The European Way of Saying I Love You! (Do You Like Me?)
by Young Ones Love Oreos
Summary: After a bizarre "vacation", Squidward begins to doubt his feelings for Spongebob. Read as Squidward and Spongebob's relationship deepens into something more than just neighbors or coworkers. Squidward x Spongebob (boy x boy) Rated T for swearing and agendas. Ratings will go up in the future; you have been warned. This is my first fic ever, so please review.
1. Don't Look, Or It Takes You!

**Hi, everyone. This is my first fic ever, so please feel free to leave a review. Of course, flames will be disregarded. Constructive criticism would be nice, yeah. Anyways, I barely see any SquidBob fics, and I really can't take it anymore! That's right, from reader to writer. Of course, they will be humanized here, since seeing a squid fondling a sponge is just weird for me; only their attitudes and backgrounds make them seem perfect for each other, really.**

**Pairing: Squidward/Spongebob**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Spongebob Squarepants; Stephen Hillenburg does.**

**EDIT: Hiya guys! I read your reviews, and re-read this chapter as well, and gosh I'm disappointed in myself. I guess I was excited to write a story? A-anyways, I edited some parts and.. yeah. Read again~!**

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><p><em>Ah, Bikini Bottom; the place where the light, delicate snow is abundant, where the flamboyant restaurant managers reside.<em>

"Good news, boys! All your hard work is finally paying off, so we're going on a field trip!" Mr. Krabs said in his usual, wait, what the hell is he wearing- is that a pool floaty? Squidward snorted, and returned to reading his magazine.

"Hooray! So where are we going, sir?!" Spongebob literally screamed into the already irritated cashier's ear, making him drop the magazine in the process. Squidward growled, and picked up the magazine, not wanting to be irritated any further.

"We're going here." Mr. Krabs pointed at a brochure, and out of curiosity, Squidward looked too. On the picture showed a fancy hotel, a jacuzzi, a spa, and a casino.

"Wow..! When are we going?" Spongebob asked.

"After work, so tonight! I'm allowing you two to run off at home and pack your bags right now!" Mr. Krabs said. Spongebob excitedly ran off, dragging Squidward along with him.

"Slow down! You're going to break my spine!" Squidward grumpily said. Luckily, Spongebob did slow down.

"Isn't this great, Squiddy? We're going on a vacation, just the three of us! We're going to play cards and snakes and escalators and drink a lot of wine!" Spongebob said really fast.

"No, you and Krabs are. I am _not _going." Squidward crossed his arms.

"B-but.. why?" Spongebob asked, beginning to tear up.

"Because I don't want to!" Squidward shouted.

"N-no! Please, come too!" Spongebob was crying now. "_Please_! I'll die if I don't get to see you in one day!" he added. They stopped walking, and Squidward was trying to calm him down.

"Wait, don't cry! You know Krabs, it'll be just for a day." Squidward said. After the outcome of his April Fools prank on Spongebob, seeing him cry was heart-wrenching. "Can't you wait for a day?" Squidward asked, but Spongebob only cried harder. Jeez, despite being a 24-year-old college graduate, Spongebob was such a crybaby.

"Nooo! I can't wait that long! I want you with us!" Spongebob shouted. A lot of people were looking at them now, and Squidward was getting uneasy.

"Fine, I'll go, I'll go!" Squidward said.

"R-really?" Spongebob finally stopped crying.

"Yes, really." Squidward said, relieved.

"Yay!" Spongebob jumped at Squidward and hugged him tightly.

"Hey, you two! Get a room!" a man shouted at them. Squidward flinched, and pushed Spongebob away. Spongebob pouted.

"Let's get going." Squidward said, already walking.

"R-right..!" Spongebob followed Squidward, and held his hand, smiling. Squidward looked at Spongebob and raised his eyebrow. "It's cold." Spongebob lied. Being with Squidward alone made him heat up like crazy.

When they got home, Squidward felt like taking a shower and going to sleep, but no, he actually packed some clothes, his clarinet, his wallet, a bag filled with canned bread, a sketch pad, and a few drawing materials. He frowned. He expected to be a world-class artist after graduating art school, but he ended up becoming a nobody cashier.

"What's wrong, Squiddy? Why are you sad?" Spongebob said, right beside Squidward, briefcase in hand.

"Gah! What are you doing here?!" Squidward shouted.

"Well I knocked a few times but you weren't answering the door, and I was getting worried, so I entered anyway, and you were here looking sad!" Spongebob said.

"I'm going." Squidward gathered his things and walked out.

"Ah, wait for me!" Spongebob grabbed his briefcase and ran after Squidward.

"Bye, Spongebob!" Patrick waved, Gary in hand.

"Bye, Pat! Bye, Gary!" Spongebob waved back, and caught up with Squidward. No words were exchanged on their way back. When they got to the Krusty Krab, they returned to their stations.

"Good, you're all set!" Mr. Krabs smiled.

When the day was over, and no customers were coming, the trio prepared to leave. Outside was a limousine that Mr. Krabs brought a while ago.

"Mr. K, where did you get all the money for these?" Spongebob asked.

"Well, I won last night's lottery, and I'm in a really good mood! Pearl finally left that good-for-nothing skinny boyfriend of hers to focus on her studies! Also, mommy has a new rich boyfriend. She regularly sends me some _cha-ching_, too!" Mr. Krabs seemed overjoyed."And you two are doing a great job here, so I thought that you needed a relaxing break!" Mr. Krabs chuckled.

"Who will manage this place while we're gone?" Squidward asked.

"Mommy hired some boys to look after the place, so there's nothing to worry about!" Mr. Krabs said proudly. He glanced at his wristwatch, "Ah, it's time to go! Spongebob, hand me the Krabby Patty formula!" Mr. Krabs ordered.

"Aye aye, captain!" within a matter of seconds, the formula was in Mr. Krabs's hands. Mr. Krabs and Spongebob entered the limousine first, as Squidward was locking the restaurant. When he was done, he saw that Mr. Krabs was on the driver's seat.

"Why are _you _driving? Didn't you hire a driver?" Squidward asked.

"I'm saving money, laddie! C'mon!" Mr. Krabs winked. Squidward groaned, and entered the limousine, where Spongebob was waiting. As soon as he closed the door, the limousine began moving.

"Great." he mumbled.

"Wow..! There's even a refrigerator here! Amazing!" Spongebob glanced around curiously. He opened the refrigerator, where a lot of sweets were stored in. "Ooh, ice cream!" Spongebob quickly grabbed a vanilla popsicle, and began indulging himself on the cold treat.

"Seriously? Ice cream while it's snowing?" Squidward asked, amazed at Spongebob's unusual cravings.

"Ish juss shooo delishush!" Spongebob said happily while the popsicle was in his mouth, causing a few melted ice cream to trail down his chin. "Oofsh!" he pulled out the relatively huge popsicle out of his mouth, wiped the trailing ice cream on his face with his thumb, and licked it off. Spongebob's act caused unusual images to flood Squidward's mind, causing Squidward to blush.

"Whatever." Squidward said, his face in a cute pink shade.

"Hey, aw yuu alrishh? Yuu luk colsh, I chuuld turn on da heeter!" Spongebob said, popsicle deep in his mouth. He turned on the heater, causing the popsicle to melt faster. "Nyahh! Ahh, Shquiddy, helff!" ice cream flooded Spongebob's mouth.

"Swallow it, it's dripping everywhere!" Spongebob did as he was told, and he began wiping and licking the ice cream on his chin, sort of in a cat-like way. "Ugh, some went to my hands.." Squidward said.

"Mmph, I got it." Spongebob grabbed Squidward's hands and began licking off the ice cream. Out of shock, Squidward couldn't react to what Spongebob just did, and allowed the blond to finish. "There, all better!" Spongebob smiled.

"What the hell.." Squidward stared down at his hands, then glanced back at Spongebob. "Do you do this a lot?" Squidward asked.

"Umm.. no. I don't see any tissues, so I think licking everything clean will do the trick!" Spongebob began searching the refrigerator again. Squidward sighed.

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><p>After five glasses of milk, six candy bars, and a quick sip of vodka, Spongebob was fast asleep. His head was resting on Squidward's shoulder, and he couldn't help but glance down at the younger boy.<p>

_He looks so delicate, so vulnerable.._

Squidward brushed off a few golden locks on Spongebob's face; he looked like a work of art. He inhaled Spongebob's scent; he smelled like pineapples. Actually, everything that was Spongebob's was. His house, his cat Gary, and even his spatula._  
><em>

"Spongebob must like those a lot.." Squidward thought. Spongebob looked too young for his age. While Squidward was a good 6"1 in height, Spongebob was rougly 5"2. Now that Squidward thought of it, Spongebob was actually adorable in his own way. Countless freckles adorned his face, and his cheeks always have a lovely shade of red. Spongebob's petite features resembled a girl's. Spongebob yawned, and his eyes slowly opened. His azure-blue eyes met with Squidward's crimson-red ones. Suddenly, everything around Squidward slowly blurred, as he lost himself in Spongebob's eyes.

_So.. beautiful._

"Squidward..?" Spongebob's face became redder and redder when Squidward began to cup his cheek, inching his face closer to Spongebob's. Spongebob closed his eyes, and he felt something soft and warm connect to his lips. He moved closer to Squidward and wrapped his arms around Squidward's shoulders, deepening the kiss. They pulled away, and Spongebob parted his lips invitingly.

"Spongebob.." Squidward smashed his lips on Spongebob's, and their tongues began dancing in a fiery tango.

"Mmhah.." Spongebob thought he was dreaming. To be suddenly kissed by the person he loves the most was superb. Soon, they had to pull away for air. "S-Squidward!" Spongebob gasped when the other male began nipping and sucking at his ear and neck. Suddenly, the car stopped. The sudden halt made Squiward return to his senses.

"O-oh, um, sorry." Squidward quickly pulled away, leaving Spongebob shocked and dumbfounded. They heard a light knock at the window, so Squidward rolled it down.

"Hey, boys! I'm just gonna fill up this lassy's gas tank, but it might take a while. After this, we'll be at the hotel in about two hours, so just sit there and sleep, maybe!" Mr. Krabs walked away, and began filling up the limousine. Squidward closed the window, and glanced back at Spongebob, who was twiddling his thumbs.

"Again, I'm sorry about that.." Squidward rubbed the back of his head.

"It's okay." Spongebob said gloomily. They waited in the car for about 10 minutes, and the sexual tension was suffocating. "Hey, I'm gonna go to the restroom. Be back in a bit." Spongebob said.

"Okay." Squidward looked away. Spongebob walked to the gasoline station's restroom and locked the door. He eyed himself on the mirror, and saw that his hair was awfully messy. He sighed.

"What do you really think of me, Squidward?" Spongebob thought.

Spongebob ran back to the limousine. Inside, Squidward was sleeping, so Spongebob laid his head on his lap so he could sit. Spongebob watched Squidward's chest rise up and down, syncing with the sound his wristwatch. Squidward had teal colored hair that looked beautiful whenever it was sunny. He had pale-white skin that contrasted Spongebob's ivory-white skin. Seeing Squidward so relaxed was soothing to Spongebob. He played with the lace of Squidward's beige scarf, which was Spongebob's favorite color. Spongebob hummed softly, soon falling asleep as well.

After two hours, Spongebob slowly woke up. He saw that Squidward was still asleep, and not wanting to wake him up, Spongebob stayed in his place. He looked out the window, and saw a billboard advertising cat food.

"Gary, I miss you already.. I hope Patrick will take care of you properly.." Spongebob thought. He looked outside, and saw another billboard, this time advertising a jet plane. Spongebob sighed. He always dreamed to be a pilot, or even an astronaut. Seeing the birds and butterflies fly around was amazing. To join them was all that Spongebob hoped for. He remembered trying to make numerous flying apparatuses, which were all failures. He even studied and graduated at flight school, but look at him now. Just an average fry cook. He glanced down at Squidward, and frowned. He knew what Squidward was going through; to work hard and fail anyway, it was depressing. In a way, they can relate to each other.

The car slowly reduced its speed, and Spongebob could tell that it was going to park.

"We're here!" Spongebob heard from in front. He slowly nudged Squidward.

"Hey, wake up." soon, Squidward was awake and rubbing his temples. Without a word, Squidward stepped outside and stretched. He glanced at his watch, and the time was 12:56 AM. He licked his lips, and felt a cool breeze around him.

"Good, you're awake. Help me carry the luggage to the reception, and tell Spongebob to come with you. Here, the car keys. Don't lose them!" Mr. Krabs ordered, and Squidward nodded. He opened the passenger door, and Spongebob looked like all hell was let lose upon him. He figured Spongebob wasn't used to staying awake until late.

"Um, let's go." not wanting to put Spongebob in a bad mood, Squidward softened his tone. Spongebob would be extremely violent and cranky whenever mad, he heard.

"Okay." Spongebob stepped out, and opened the boot. Just as he was going to get their bags, Squidward snatched them. "Hey, I want to help too."

"It's fine." Squidward locked the vehicle, and pulled Spongebob towards him. "Don't get lost." He said in a straight tone. He gripped Spongebob's hand tightly.

"S-sure." Spongebob subconsciously smiled.

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><p>"Why did I agree to this?" Squidward thought. For two weeks, he had to endure staying in the same room as Spongebob. They also had to share a bed while their boss is in another room enjoying a queen-sized bed.<p>

It was noon, and Spongebob felt like exploring the town.

"Hey Squidward, let's look around!" Spongebob said in his usual enthusiasm.

"I don't want to." Squidward said lazily.

"Aww, c'mon. I heard there was a maid café here, I wanna check it out! My treat, friend!" Spongebob said convincingly.

"I'm not interested in going to such a creepy fantasy of old men made true!" Squidward said.

"Hmmph..! At least around the hotel? I don't wanna walk around alone!" Spongebob pleaded, staring deep into Squidward's eyes.

"Fine, but only here!" Squidward said. Spongebob leaped in glee.

Apparently, the hotel has twelve floors, and there's a bowling alley, a ballroom, a badminton court, a small casino, a currently frozen swimming pool, a buffet hall, a gym, an arcade, and a playground.

"There, we searched every floor. I'm going back to our room." Squidward walked away, not waiting for Spongebob to answer.

"Okay, bye! Don't get too cold!" Squidward heard Spongebob say from the distance. Just as Spongebob was about to exit the hotel, he was suddenly surrounded by a group of men.

"Hey, babe. Did your boyfriend just leave you? You know, we can give you the "love" he fails to give you!" one of them said.

"Um, I have to go." Spongebob tried to run, but he was stopped by some of the men.

"Aww, where are you going? C'mon, our suite is nearby. We'd like to have coffee with you. Right, boys?" the man said.

"No, I don't want to. Isn't it obvious that I'm a guy?" Silence.

"Genders doesn't matter with us." one of them said.

"Yeah!" the others said. They then proceeded with tying up poor little Spongebob.

"Holy shit, put me down, you assholes! No means no, for fuck's sake!" Spongebob struggled, swearing at the scumbags.

"I always found it adorable when they're reluctant at first, when in the end, they'll just be begging for more." one of the men said. Somehow, this crossed the line.

"Didn't you hear me?" all the men stopped, "No.." the two men beside Spongebob suddenly felt a tightening grasp around their wrists, "means no!"

"A-ack!" the two men felt their wristbones snap. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"I'm a flight school graduate, friends! And I guess," Spongebob flipped one of them in a beautifully smooth way, rendering that one guy motionless, "I'm quite skilled at Ka-Ra-TAY!" Spongebob smiled at himself, glad that six months of practicing that line was finally paying off.

"Yeah, that was definitely a Judo move." the man cornered by Spongebob mumbled, only to feel an even more painful pressure on his neck, "Okay, please let us go!"

"Hmph." Spongebob jumped off the man who was also the leader of the gang. Then, the men compressed with each other, bowing to Spongebob while profusely asking for forgiveness.

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><p>"Waaaaah!" Spongebob cried into Squidward's shoulder for whatever reason he has.<p>

"There, there. I told you, you won't get arrested. That was self-defence, and that's legal." Squidward rubbed Spongebob's back, trying to ignore the looks of the other people.

"A-are you sure?" Spongebob asked, finally halting.

"Cross my heart." Squidward mumbled in a monotonous tone. Somehow, Spongebob stopped talking after that.

They sat in the hotel lobby's sofa for about ten minutes, and Spongebob's sudden silence made Squidward uneasy.

"What's wrong, cat got your tongue?" Squidward asked, receiving no reply whatsoever. Squidward sighed, "You said you wanted to go to the maid café?" Spongebob looked up at Squidward, as his eyes lit up.

In the end, Squidward still had to go with Spongebob to the maid cafe, and it was his treat this time. When they got there, it looked like a market flooded with people. As they were seated, Spongebob then noticed the "EMPLOYEES NEEDED" sign. Seeing the other waitresses who were obviously having a stressful day, Spongebob definitely had to act. He then repeatedly rang the bell on their table which was supposedly used to call for a maid.

"Yes, sir?" a substandard looking maid was at their table within seconds.

"Where can I apply for a job?" the waitress suddenly smiled at Spongebob.

"Right this way, sir." Spongebob mumbled a "wait here" to Squidward, who was busy scribbling on his sketch pad.

A few minutes later, Spongebob was serving customers at lightning speed, and business at the maid cafe was improving. All this time, Squidward couldn't help but stare at the boy he once thought was an idiot.

"Excuse me, may I sit with you?" a girl, about the same age as Spongebob asked Squidward.

"Uh, sure." Squidward complied, not wanting to be rude. She had blonde hair, only a bit more neon-y compared to Spongebob's, with various hair extensions attached. She had a nose piercing and tons of make up on her face. She wore a pink tube blouse and green mini shorts. Her skin was tanned olive, and her eyes were hazel colored. Squidward thought she looked like a walking Barbie doll. The girl then rang the bell. Almost immediately, Spongebob came to their table.

"G-g-good aftern-noon! What w-w-would yo-you like to ord-d-der?" Spongebob was shivering from the cold. Before Squidward could speak, the girl butted in.

"Two cups of tea, and two slices of cake, please!" the girl said. Spongebob ran off, almost slipping in the process. "So, do you come here often?" she asks Squidward, who was lost in his sketch pad once more.

"No." Squidward replied, indirectly saying that he was uninterested.

"Single?" she asks next.

"Yes." Squidward was confused himself as to why he even bothered answering her questions.

"Great! Wanna go fo-" the girl was cut off when Spongebob returned at lightning speed, her orders in his hands.

"Here's y-y-your ord-d-der!" Spongebob said. Squidward noticed that Spongebob's face was extremely pale, and he was shaking.

"Hey, no one's stopping you from using the restroom." Squidward joked.

"Eek! S-S-S-Squidward! Don- ahhh!" Spongebob screamed when the steaming hot tea was spilled on him.

"Hmph! Clean that up, you clumsy slut!" the girl bitterly said. Spongebob apologized, then began wiping the floor. When Spongebob stood up, the girl slapped him.

"Hey, stop that." Squidward intervened, dragging Spongebob at the restroom. He locked the door, and just as expected, Spongebob was crying. "C'mon, pull yourself together! Are you gonna let some needy bitch ruin your day?" Squidward said, while helping Spongebob clean up.

"N-no..!" Spongebob rubbed his eyes, and sighed. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have taken this job."

"And why is that?" Squidward asked.

"Because I only got in the way of others.." Spongebob looked away.

"Spongebob, listen." Squidward cupped Spongebob's chin. "You were helping. You didn't get in anyone's way! She- that girl did."

"Did what?" Spongebob asked, eyes wide.

"She got in our way, didn't she?" Squidward smiled sweetly, earning a blush and a hug from Spongebob. "See? You're always overthinking!" Squidward and Spongebob exited the restroom, and they were unconsciously holding hands. "Aren't you gonna change?" Squidward asked.

"Nah, the manager sort of gave this uniform to me." Spongebob mumbled, while grabbing their stuff, both of them ignoring the girl who was still there.

"No, you'll freeze to death. Unless you're into that sort of thing?" Squidward teased. Awkwardly, there was a big pause from between the two. Squidward decided to share his scarf with Spongebob. In return, Spongebob lightly pecked Squidward's cheek.

"European way of saying "Thank you, you make my day!"" Spongebob smiled cheekily.

"Right." Squidward said in a skeptical tone.

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><p><strong>Hi again, guys! What do you think? Please give a review down below. Tune in for Chapter 2! Until then, bye!<strong>

**EDIT: Hello, friends. Like I said, I re-read this chapter and I can't help but think "noooo". So um, thanks for the reviews! Bye bye!**


	2. Do You Read Minds?

**Hi guys! Sorry for the late update; stuff in real life have been.. let's say, distracting. I promise, I'm not slacking off! Thank you so much for reviewing. And um, I think I made Squidward a bit out of character? Also, the part where Squidward was looking at Spongebob sleeping makes me cringe. That was.. corny. But you guys seem to like it, so I guess I won't change it..? A-anyways, I recently saw these amazing Hetalia fics by Hon****or Manager, so make sure to check them out! With those being said, let's begin!**

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><p>"What's that?" Spongebob asked.<p>

"It's a cat." Squidward replied.

"Make it look like Gary." Spongebob ordered. Squidward nodded, and began adding the familiar pattern to the cat's fur. "Can I have it?"

"Ah, sure." Squidward tore the sketch pad's page and gave it to Spongebob.

"Can I see your other drawings?" Spongebob innocently asked.

"Yes, you can, but you may not." Squidward smirked.

"Pretty please?" Spongebob said.

"No." Squidward stuck out his tongue.

"With a cherry on top?" Spongebob asked. Squidward shook his head. "Hmm! I guess I have to do something first?"

"Indeed. I want you to help me with something. It's not immediate, so I need you to promise." Squidward offered.

"Okay! I promise to help Squidward Tentacles, from today, tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next da-" Spongebob was cut off.

"Point taken. Here." Squidward gave his sketch pad to Spongebob. The boy excitedly flipped every page, examining every drawing.

"Your drawings are amazing, Squiddy!" Squidward groaned, not very fond of Spongebob's nickname for him. "So what did you need help with?"

"Recently, at the mall, I saw an art competition where you had to submit a drawing of something or someone that makes you happy. Of course, I'm not going to let an opportunity pass. But then, I couldn't make up my mind about what I should draw. Any suggestions?" Squidward asked.

"Draw me." Spongebob blurted out without thinking. Squidward chuckled.

"I knew you were going to say that! I need you to pose in the best way possible, okay? We'll go to the playground, since no one comes there." Squidward said.

"Okay!" Spongebob ran off, embarrassed. When they got there, Spongebob sat on a swing.

"Hmm, something's not right. Ah, your clothing. Here, I brought with me some clothes, so you might as well change now." Squidward tossed the paper bag to Spongebob. "Don't worry, I won't look.

"R-right!" Spongebob blushed at the possibilities that he is hoping for. When he was done dressing up, he noticed that Squidward really was looking. "Hey, you said you won't look!" Spongebob complained.

"What's wrong with that? We're both men, aren't we?" Squidward retorted. He fixed Spongebob's posing, and began drawing away.

After half an hour, Squidward and Spongebob were already coloring the drawing.

"This looks just like me." Spongebob thought.

"All done!" Squidward smiled. "All we have to do now is to submit this."

They went to the office, where the drawings were to be submitted. Inside there was the same girl from the coffee shop. Spongebob shivered.

"U-um, I think I should go back to the hotel!" Just as Spongebob was going to run off, Squidward grabbed his hand.

"Nonsense. I'm go-" Squidward was cut off.

"Hi again. Sorry for last time, I guess I was just in a bad mood because my boyfriend cheated on me. I'm Kelly!" The girl said.

"Okay." Squidward rolled his eyes. The girl stopped them when they were about to leave.

"I didn't catch your name?" Kelly said.

"This is Spongebob, and I'm Squidward. We're leaving now." Squidward handed his drawing to the clerk, and exited the office.

"W-what was that?" Spongebob asked.

"For some reason, she puts me in a bad mood." Squidward and Spongebob sat on a fountain. "Where do you wanna go?"

"Umm, I saw this pancake house near the maid cafe, and I've been itching to try it out. Can we go there?" Spongebob said.

"Sure." They walked to the pancake house, and didn't notice Kelly following them.

"Good morning ma'am! What would you like to order?" Spongebob blushed and Squidward chuckled. The cashier mistook Spongebob for a girl.

"One plate of blueberry pancakes, and a cup of hot chocolate, please." Spongebob smiled at Squidward, knowing this was his favorite.

"And you sir?" The cashier asked Squidward.

"One plate of buttermilk pancakes, and put a scoop of chocolate ice cream on top, and a cup of warm milk, please." Squidward smirked at Spongebob, also aware of the boy's favorite. They walked to a table, carrying the orders. "Wanna switch?" Squidward said as they sat.

"Okay. How did you know that that's my favorite?" Spongebob asked.

"You always tell me." Squidward rolled his eyes.

"Oh." Spongebob thought for a moment. "Hey, do I really look like a girl?"

"Actually, yes." Squidward eyed Spongebob. "I thought you were a girl when I first saw you."

"R-really?" Spongebob asked, mouth covered in syrup. Before Squidward could carry on their conversation, Miss You-Know-Who came by.

"Hi guys, can I join you?" Kelly asked. Despite her question remaining unanswered, she took a seat beside Squidward anyway.

"Uh, I have to go to the bathroom. Wait here, Spongebob." Squidward ran off, leaving Spongebob and Kelly alone.

"Umm, hello..?" Spongebob was scared of being slapped again. Kelly studied him from head to toe.

"You're a guy?" she asked.

"Exactly..!" Spongebob wasn't sure what was going to happen next.

"Oh, thank goodness! Actually, I've got my eyes for Squidward, but I thought you were his girlfriend, since you looked so close together. I guess not! Unless you're a homosexual?" Kelly said.

"No, of course not." Spongebob felt like an idiot for denying his feelings. He clenched his fist, getting bored at the girl. "Hey, I'm gonna come back." Spongebob stood up and headed for the restroom.

"Come back soon!" Kelly said.

When Spongebob got there, Squidward looked very impatient.

"Finally! What took you so long? Le-" Squidward noticed tears oozing from Spongebob's eyes. "W-why are you crying?" Squidward rubbed the back of his neck.

"Me? Crying?" Spongebob looked at the mirror and damn right he was crying. He hurriedly wiped his eyes. "I'm not crying."

"Yes, you are. What did she do to you?" Squidward asked.

"Nothing! She didn't do anything.." Spongebob twiddled his thumbs.

"If you say so. Let's go." Squidward and Spongebob left the restroom.

"U-um, we have to go! We'll see you later!" Spongebob shouted at Kelly just before they left. "Hey, why do you avoid her so much?" Spongebob asked Squidward.

"I really don't like her. Did you forget what she did to you? If she can slap, cuss at, and pour steaming hot tea to someone she doesn't know, then she can and will do worse to anyone she knows." Squidward said.

"But Kelly was just upset, is what she said, but can't you give her a chance?" Spongebob felt like an idiot.

"Absolutely not. After all, she's not my type. I'm not very fond of girls in provocative outfits." Squidward sighed.

"Oh." Spongebob was relieved. He didn't realize that they were already in front of the hotel, making him bump his face on the wall and fall on his butt. "Oww.."

"Hey, be careful." Squidward lifted the smaller boy up, and carried him in a piggy-back manner. Spongebob decided not to move too much, so he wouldn't annoy Squidward. Finally, they're back in their hotel room. As soon as Squidward literally threw Spongebob at the bed, his phone rang. He silently hoped it wasn't Kelly who for some reason found his phone number. Hopefully, nothing like that happened.

"Hello? Ah... No!" Spongebob stared oddly at Squidward who briefly eyed Spongebob, immediately looking away, blushing. "Alright... No, of course. Bye." Squidward hung up. "Hey, I'm going out for a while; Mister Krabs wants me to do some errands. And I thought we were on a vacation."

"I wanna come." Spongebob said.

"No, you should enjoy your vacation. You've had enough, no?" Squidward patted Spongebob's head, much to his discomfort.

"But I promised to help you _always_!" Spongebob protested.

"Well, I still think you should stay." Spongebob pouted. "C'mon, don't put such a nasty expression." Squidward pulled up the edges of Spongebob's lips with his index fingers.

"Hmph..!" Spongebob looked away, but Squidward could tell that he was starting to be in a good mood.

"I'll be careful, and I hope you will too." Squidward patted Spongebob's head again, waved goodbye, and left the hotel room.

"He must see me as his little brother, or something like that.." Spongebob thought.

* * *

><p><strong>Squidward's P.O.V.<strong>

I carried Spongebob on my back, since he REALLY looks tired. He almost tripped on a pebble, for Pete's sake. Surprisingly, he stayed still, and I guess that was relieving. Ah, finally, the hotel room. I placed him on the bed, keeping a straight face so no malicious thoughts would pop up, but I'm pretty sure he mumbled an "ow". I must've been harsh?

_kriiing, kriiing, kriiing..._

Ugh, what now? I picked up my phone and answered the call, forgetting to look at the caller ID. Oh well.

"Hello?" I ask.

_"Aye, laddy! I need you to do something for me." _Mr. Krabs was on the phone. Great.

"Ah..." I mentally screamed.

_"I need your testosterone for this job, boy-o, if you know what I mean?__" _Mr. Krabs said.

"No!" I shouted after quickly sneaking a peek at Spongebob who hopefully wasn't doing anything stupid.

_"Just kidding. I just need you to pick up some ibuprofen at the convenience store; my back is killing me. There's one near the hotel." _Mr. Krabs said.

"Alright." I mumbled, ready to hang up.

_"I'll give back the amount of money you spent, oh, and buy two boxes of chocolate too, if you don't mind?" _Mr. Krabs said.

"No, of course. Bye." I hung up. "Hey, I'm going out for a while. Mister Krabs wants me to do some errands. And I thought we were on a vacation." I mumbled.

"I wanna come." Spongebob said. I can't help but smile.

"No, you should enjoy your vacation. You've had enough, no?" I patted his head, since it seems more appropriate than giving him a kiss on his forehead. Ugh, not these thoughts again. I'm pretty sure I heard him groan.

"But I promised to help you _always_!" He said.

"Well I still think you should stay." Spongebob pouted. God, that's adorable. "C'mon, don't put such a nasty expression." I poked his cheeks, making him look smiling, which looked weird.

"Hmph!" He looked away, probably annoyed. At least he's not crying, I guess?

"I'll be careful, and I hope you will too." I patted his head. I waved at him one last time before leaving the room.

Ah, fuck. He doesn't like being treated like a kid. He didn't react when I patted his head, though. Something must be wrong; I'll remember to ask later. I entered the elevator, and pressed the "ground floor" button. I walked out. Oh god, she's here. Okay, Squiddy, act normal, stay unnoticeable. "Squiddy"? Fuck, I'm calling myself that too now. I ran out the hotel, and the drug store is right there, finally. Hopefully, there will be chocolate there as well. I took a bottle of ibuprofen, and two boxes of chocolate, as asked. Strange, what does Mr. Krabs need chocolate for, anyway?

I remember that his hotel room number is 175, and so far, no needy sluts are coming after me on my way. What was what's-her-name's problem, anyway? She can look for someone else, for all I care. If she hurts Spongebob again, I won't let her get away with it, just because she's a girl. Oh, I'm here. Almost walked past it. I knocked on Mr. Krab's room door, and after a few seconds, the door opened.

"Here's what you asked me to buy." I gave the plastic bag filled with items to Mr. Krabs. "I better go back to Spongebob." Just as I was about to leave, Mr. Krabs stopped me.

"Give this to Spongebob." Mr. Krabs handed me a box of chocolates. "And tell him that it's a gift from you, got it?"

"..what?" I asked. Seriously though, what?

"You heard me, boy. I'll ask Spongebob later if you did it, so you better do what I said!" Mr. Krabs shut the door at my face, without even paying me back. I kind of expected that, but still. I stood in the hall, open-mouthed. I guess Spongebob deserves a gift. I walked back to room 249; our room. "Our room"? That sounds.. surprisingly fitting. I opened the door, chocolates hidden behind me.

"I'm back." Hey, where's Spongebob?

* * *

><p><strong>Spongebob's P.O.V.<strong>

I furiously pumped myself while fingering my rear with my other hand in the restroom. I was sniffing one of Squidward's shirts and supporting it by biting it. Gosh, I feel like a failure.

"Nhah! Squidward..!" Nearing my climax, I came all over Squidward's shirt and the bathroom floor. I sat there for a while, since Squidward won't be coming too soon.

"I'm back." Fuck. I hurriedly wiped myself and the floor with tissues. I hid Squidward's shirt inside my sweater, and left the bathroom after washing my hands.

"S-Squidward! You're back early!" I panted.

"Huh? Spongebob, what's wrong?" He held his hand over my forehead, then my cheek, then my neck. "You don't seem to have a fever, though. What did you do while I was gone?"

"O-oh, I was just.." Masturbating, duh. "..doing laps around the hotel."

"Oh, really? You shouldn't tire yourself too much, you know." He brought me to the bed, telling me to sit. "Tell you what, I have something for you." Squidward handed me a heart shaped box.

"This is..?" It was a box of chocolates. I could tell that I was starting to blush even more. "Y-you didn't have to!" I slowly smiled, feeling really flattered. "Thank you!" I hugged Squidward.

"You're welcome." He hugged back. I inhaled Squidward's scent, which was a combination of lavender and peppermint.

"Y-you've done so much for me, and I haven't even got you anything yet." I mumbled.

"Seeing you fine and happy is enough for me." Squidward smiled at me. Ah, don't look at me like that! I didn't know how to react, so I did the most sensible thing to do. I pulled his shirt's collar and kissed his forehead. Damn, I missed. Wait, what? Squidward's eyes widened at me. Shit, what do I say?!

"That's the European way of saying "Thank you so much!"" I lied, smiling cheekily. Squidward slowly smiled.

"We're not Europeans, you know." He kissed my forehead back.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the late and short update! Anyways, just point it out if you see any mistakes, so I can improve some more, but it's not obligatory, you know! Also, I changed the title from "Do You Like Me?" to "The European Way of Saying "I Love You!", so I'm sorry for any confusions. Don't forget to review, and thank you!<strong>


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